Back to Life – My back story by Hannah Meeson

Back to Life – My back story by Hannah Meeson

I know exactly when I damaged my back. It was Boxing Day 1996 and I was 25. We were visiting my husbands cousins and I was sitting cross-legged on the floor when my pulled my 2 year old cousin onto my knee. Simple as that. One quick movement and …CRACK. That sound followed by the inability to stand up again was the beginning of a back problem that would rule (and in many respects ruin) my life for the next eight years. But I didn’t know that at the time – I thought I had probably trapped a nerve or twisted a muscle and I soldiered on through fairly intense lower back pain through the remainder of the party season.

By the beginning of 1997 the pain in my back had disappeared, but I started to find it painful to put my left foot on the ground or bear any weight on my left leg. Convinced it was nothing more than a trapped nerve I continued to work as a New Business Manager at Newcastle University until finally my boss, who could no longer stand the sight of me limping around the office – drove me to see his osteopath. It only took him a few minutes to ascertain that my pelvis was out of alignment and my leg pain was probably due to a ‘slipped disc’ in my lower spine pressing on my sciatic nerve. With another ‘CRACK’ my pelvis was repositioned and I started to receive twice-weekly treatment (traction and manipulation) for the sciatica. However, after a few weeks it began to be clear to myself and the ‘osteo’ that the problem was getting worse and that my current treatment, despite giving me some relief from the pain, was not solving the problem of the disc. My osteo told me that I was probably going to need surgery, and that I needed to see my doctor for a referral.

Off I went to my doctor, and when I told him of my symptoms, pain and the recommendation of my osteopath he…told me that I probably had a ‘bulging disc’ disc and that I should rest and ‘learn to live within my means’! I was only 26 for goodness sake, and here he was telling me to put up with the pain and take things easy for the rest of my life! He also gave me the first of what became many prescriptions for painkillers and anti- inflammatories. Anyway I took his advice and rested – hoping that the problem would go away on its own. It didn’t. It got progressively worse. Soon I could no longer walk any distance. Sitting at my desk at work was agony. The pain was intense and I got no relief even when I lay down. Finally my mother in law bullied me into going back and demanding a referral from my doctor to someone who knew more about backs. Reluctantly he finally referred me to a Neuroseorgan at Newcastle General – but informed me that the waiting list for a consultation was inexcess of 6 months. In desperation we decided to pay to see the Consultant, conscious that I had already had some considerable time of work. Finally we were getting somewhere.

The moment I limped into the Consultant Neurosurgeons office he said that he knew exactly what was wrong with me, that I had a prolapsed disc at L5/SI and would need a ‘Microdisectomy’. X-rays and an MRI scan confirmed this diagnosis, and I was faced with up to an 18month wait to have the operation. Whilst my work colleagues were being fantastically supportive, I had already been off work about 3 months as I was unable to stand/sit or walk for any length of time, and my sick pay would only have lasted another 3 months. So we decided to raid our wedding fund and pay for the operation privately, which decreased our waiting time to a matter of weeks! I was confidently informed that the operation would be a complete success and I would be back to work within 12 weeks. So I had the op.

I can still remember the pain that I was in when I came round from that op – which was the most horrific pain ever (put it this way – childbirth was nothing!). Still, it was over and I looked forward to a full recovery. I followed my after-care instructions to the letter, and rested completely for the prescribed 6 weeks, and was back at work within 3 months. And everything seemed much better. The sciatica had gone, and although my scar area was extremely sensitive, all seemed well. For about 6 months.

As time went on, despite getting fit and swimming regularly, the sciatic pain started to creep back. After 6 months or so I went back to my consultant, who administered a course of steroid injections into my spine to relieve the pain. I was told that, despite following his advice to the letter, I had developed ‘scar tissue damage’ around the site of the injury and operation, and that this scar tissue was constricting the sciatic nerve in much the same way that the prolapsed disc had done. Back to square one.

The next 5 years or so, my back continued to give me problems, which I managed through various programmes of physio, pain management, acupuncture and of course, good old medication. My use of painkillers and anti-inflammatories went from occasional to constant, and everytime I went to my doctor complaining of pain, I was offered more meds. I changed doctors who referred me to an Orthopaedic Consultant who, after another MRI, declared that I would need further surgery to remove the scar tissue, but that this was so risky that they wouldn’t do it until my life was so awful that they had no choice!! Great prognosis. My physio declared that there was nothing else they could do for me – and that I would probably be in a wheel chair by the time I was 30. During this time I also had 2 children (against medical advice!) which was ‘challenging’ to say the least but worth it. I had to stop taking all my meds, and used crutches towards the end of my pregnancy, but giving birth was far less painful than the sciatic pain I dealt with every day!!

Anyway, either as a result of childbirth or just through the rigours of time, after the birth of my children my back problem became more and more extreme. I could not bath, lift or carry my children, and became increasingly dependant on medication to get me through the day. At the worst point I was taking 36 tablets per day (painkillers, anti-inflammatories, nerve suppressants, muscle relaxants, anti-depressants etc) as well as morphine patches. I have subsequently been told that I was on the same amount of morphine that they give to terminal cancer patients to knock them out. Only I was trying to have a life and look after a young family. I couldn’t walk for any distance, became reliant on crutches and eventually stopped myself driving, as I was a danger on the road in my drugged up state. Life was pretty miserable – for both my family and me. My husband had a snappy, drugged up and permanently exhausted wife, and had to do most of the household chores himself. I could just about manage to get through the day by doing the bare minimum, and would collapse in agony and exhaustion by 6pm, when he would have to take all childcare and cooking and cleaning tasks. Ironically, though exhausted by pain, I still couldn’t sleep without knocking myself out with medication as I would seize up in my sleep, and then couldn’t rouse myself in the morning. Everyday things that people took for granted I couldn’t do. I couldn’t take the kids for a walk couldn’t take them swimming or to any activities that involved moving in any way. I couldn’t really tolerate any noise or boisterous behaviour and seemed to snap at them permanently. Life was pretty miserable, and if I hadn’t had my husband and two children then I may well have been tempted to take a handful of the extensive pharmaceuticals available to me.

During this time, unable to assist me any further, my doctor referred me to Mr Khalil, at the Pain Relief Clinic at Darlington Memorial. At last I found a sympathetic ear, and someone who seemed to think it appalling that someone so young should settle for a lifetime on heavy analgesics. As well as helping me sort out my medication (which had to be changed fairly regularly as I quickly became tolerant to each new brand), he also tried various pain management procedures - radio frequency, epidural and caudal injections to name a few. Whilst they gave some brief spells of relief, it soon became apparent that there was nothing else he could do for me, and that no other procedure he could offer was going to help. I needed further surgery. It was at this point that he mentioned a spinal consultant that he had met at a conference – Mr Khrisna, and I was duly referred. Once my appointment came through I will confess to being rather sceptical and pessimistic about the prognosis. After all, I seem to know more about my condition than most of the doctors I came across. How wrong I was.

The first thing Mr Khrisna said was ‘I can fix you’. I’ve heard that before I thought! Then he showed me an X-ray of a spine with metal bolts fastened into it and started to describe an operation called a ‘Posterior Lumbar Interbody Fusion’ (PLIF). After a few minutes it dawned on me that the picture of the spine with pins in was actually what he wanted to do to me!! It looked barbaric, but Mr Khrishna explained that I had a condition called ‘Post Discectomy Syndrome’ whereby the disc that was left after the original operation had disintegrated effectively leaving my vertebrae rubbing together. What he intended to do was to separate the vertebrae, pin them apart and place a plastic cage filled with bone into the gap to create a bone graft. This would relieve the pressure on my sciatic nerves and alleviate the pain. Further tests and MRIs confirmed his diagnosis, and Mr Khrisna assured me that he was 70% sure I’d be 60% better.

Now, understandably, I was extremely nervous and apprehensive about more spinal surgery and wasn’t too sure about the odds he had quoted. However, as Mr Khrisna pointed out, I had no quality of life and that I was only going to get worse and more disabled without intervention. Still worried, he suggested I attend his ‘Spinal Support Group’ and meet other patients who were either awaiting surgery or who had had surgery to speak to them about the whole process. Extremely sceptical and very emotional I attended the next support group meeting – which in fact took place the weekend before my operation. In I hobbled on my crutches (which I now needed to use permanently) and, rather than being a room full of sad, miserable people in pain, the meeting was very uplifting and gave me the chance to talk to people who not only REALLY understood what I was going through, but who had also been through the PLIF operation. I cried, and cried, and Mr Khrisna gave me a big hug, and the support group helped me make the final decision that I needed to have this op.

So on January 31st 2006 I underwent a PLIF on my L5/S1 vertebrae. I woke up from the operation and immediately was in less pain than I had been before! The worst aspect was the drips and surgical stockings that I had to wear during my one and only night in the High Dependency Unit. At 7am the next morning I was moved to a room, and told that Mr Khrisna wanted me up and walking about!! Tentatively, I swung my legs over the bed and …stood…on both feet…at the same time! I could, for the first time in many years, bear weight on my left leg, and I could also wiggle the big toe in my left foot, something I hadn’t been able to do for years. With the help of my husband I had a shower and inspected my scar – which was not as bad as I thought! The physios quickly had me walking up and down the corridor in hospital, and my pain medication was lessened almost immediately. Yes, I was in pain, but it was a post-operative pain, and not the all-pervasive, mind numbing pain I was used to. The constant sciatica in my left leg and muscle spasms up my full back had disappeared. Three days later I was allowed home and started the recuperation process. Unlike after my last operation, when I had been told to rest and do very little, Mr Khrisna advocated activity, little and often and so there was very little time lying prostrate in bed. Instead, I pottered around the house, rested when I felt tired or sore, and lying down to watch TV rather than sitting. Determined to follow Mr Khrisna and my physios advice to the letter, I paced myself and took it easy, but kept moving and challenging myself to do a little more each day. The biggest problem was that I felt so much better, I felt that I could run the marathon, but my body had other ideas! As well as the operative trauma, I had 8 years of doing very little to overcome! However, slowly but surely, my stamina returned and as I became more active, I weaned myself off 99% of my medication.

Six months on, I am a different person. I have no sciatic pain now, and only the occasional twinge when I have been doing too much – which I manage with a couple of paracetamols. My back pain is no longer the ruling factor of my life, and I am now doing all the things I wanted to be able to do e.g., taking the kids out for walks, bike rides, swimming etc going to the gym, having a life etc. I can actually hold a conversation now, and remember my telephone number (something that was impossible on the levels of morphine I was on!). I have had a couple of scary moments when I thought I had damaged myself, not least when my daughter tripped and fell whilst holding my hand. I jerked my back pretty badly and was immediately in severe sciatic pain. Terrified, all the memories of the pain that I had lived each day of the last 8 years in came flooding back and I was convinced that I was back to square one. This pain lasted for 2 weeks, but through rest and a few anti-inflammatories it eventually eased and disappeared, much to the relief of my family and myself.

Someone once told me that Buddhists believe that it is only when you are in pain that you truly know that you are alive. Well, I don’t know if this is true, but if it is I can only surmise that Buddha never suffered from a bad back. When you are in pain you are not alive, you survive, and you do your best to get through each day and hope you have the strength to survive the next. It is only now I am no longer in pain that I am truly alive and I am enjoying the simple pleasures that have been beyond my ability for so long. The best thing in the world happened the other day. I went for a walk with my children and husband and after a couple of miles or so my husband said ‘How’s your back?’ and I said ‘Do you know what, I haven’t even thought about it!’ I actually have my life back, and it is all thanks to Mr Khrisna, his team, my family and friends. I can never thank them enough.